Monday, January 2, 2012

The (fake) Rick Santorum WTF Interview

  SantorumInterview

We The Folks (WTF) have decided to conduct a job interview for the position of the Presidency of the United States of America.    The job qualifications have been covered here,   And here are links to our initial 3 part series on ELECTABILITY, POLICY and GOVERNING. The (fake) Michele Bachmann interview is here.

This interview's candidate: Rick Santorum (RS).


WTF: Tell us a little about yourself.

RS: I am the former United States Senator from Pennsylvania and former chairman of the Senate Republican Conference which made me the third-ranking Senate Republican from 2001 until 2007.  And I’ve been married to the same woman for 21 years and have 7 amazing children.

WTF: Why do you want to be President?

RS: I gave a speech at the University of Dubuque on the economy, that created a lot of buzz on the Internet, so I thought, Wow, maybe there's some interest in what I have to say after all.  My wife eventually warmed up to the idea and I felt someone had to stand up for the family which is being attacked economically and culturally.  And I’ve had such great success in a predominantly Democrat (blue) state, I figured I’d be the best to take it to Obama in 2012.

WTF: It shows that you were voted out of office in 2007.  By a landslide against an opponent who trumpeted universal healthcare and raising the minimum wage – typical liberal positions. 

RS: Well, it was more of an attack on President Bush and the war.  I faced many unfair accusations and the Democrats and the homosexual lobby was especially mad at me.

WTF: So which is it.  You do well with Democrats or not?

RS: I was initially voted in and re-elected trumpeting conservative principles such as controlling Federal spending and reforming Social Security.  People want sincerity and they know I speak the truth.  They know I am principled.

WTF: Didn’t your support Arlen Specter, a radical pro-abortion candidate over Pat Toomey a fellow social conservative?

RS: I did, but my loss was more about the anti-war, anti-Bush vibe of the time.  My personal popularity was still very high and my opponent was pro-life too.  So I didn’t have a clear difference on the abortion issue. I the most pro-family candidate in this race who will fight to keep American families together.

WTF: Is it a mistake to keep hammering the faith and family thing to death?  Or do you see the job of President as primarily that of a priest or counselor to keep families together?

RS: When any society breaks down the strength of the family it translates into other problems that hurt our economy.  I mean it is a fact that children of intact families do better in school, have less problems and go on to earn more.  Divorced parents earn less and have less to put into the economy.  It has economic repercussions.

WTF: So the main thrust of your economic plan is to reduce divorce?

RS: It’s a part of it.  Societies that don’t support the role of traditional marriage end up becoming weaker.  It’s a fact.  Occupy Wall Street is a symbol of a break down of self-responsibility and turning to the government to solve all of our problems rather than your church, your family and yourself.

WTF: We are for strong families.  But statistically your argument doesn’t wash.  Despite having more children in single parent families and a larger percentage of cohabiting, unmarried adults than 50 years ago, as a nation we are actually much wealthier as a country.  Do you think the “family” angle is going to sell the majority of Americans who only care about the economy and not your religious views?

RS: Broken families put a strain on social services and law enforcement and I don’t think over 40% of the country dependent on taxes taken from their fellow Americans for employment, subsidies or food stamps is a measure of strength.  We are headed to end up like Greece.  I have a 32 point “Made in America” economic plan on my website that includes cutting personal income taxes back to 10% and 28%, eliminating the Alternative Minimum and Death taxes and to lower our capital gains tax to 12%.

WTF: Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Rick Perry are proposing a Flat Tax to eliminate or give an option to eliminate personal taxes and all candidates propose eliminating capital gains completely except you.  Aren’t you the LEAST conservative or inventive in your economic plan?

RS: We have to bring manufacturing back to America.  I’m proposing to eliminate all corporate taxes for manufacturers will bring a flood of new jobs back into this country.  I am also going to reduce and simplify taxes for families by eliminating marriage tax penalties throughout the federal tax code.  And I plan to tax homosexuals at a higher rate.

images (10)WTF: Seriously?

RS: No.  Of course not.  But if you listen to the news media you would think so.  All Americans have the same rights.  I don’t want to give special rights to anyone.

WTF:  Except families with children or married couples with one income earner.

RS: (blank stare)  We want to encourage families to stay together.

WTF: Let’s change the subject.  We typically hire employees who are currently successful at the same job for which they are hired.  What were you doing before running for President?

RS: I was taking care of my family which is very important to me.  I was a lawyer for a prominent Pittsburgh law firm with offices in D.C., and I was a Senior Fellow with the Ethics and Public Policy Center as well as a contributor to the Fox News Channel.

WTF: I see.  Do you have any actual EXECUTIVE experience?

RS: No, but I was deeply involved in major crafting and leading legislation such as Welfare Reform Act, and the Workplace Religious Freedom Act with U.S. Senator John Kerry.   I’ve been heavily involved in drafting legislation to to privatize Social Security and sat on the Senate Armed Services Committee where I was moved the entire Senate to vote unanimously for the "Syria Accountability Act" and the "Iran Freedom and Support Act," which we pushed through despite the reluctance of George Bush and Barack Obama.

InterviewGettyPhilBoorman460 WTF: So what in your background gives us confidence you can find, hire and manage all of the ego’s to run everything from Department of Homeland Security to the EPA?

RS: I understand the issues probably as well or better than any other candidate, I’ve worked with the heads of each of those Departments in both GOP and Democrat administrations and I had for many of their activities to hold them accountable. 

WTF: Mitt Romney has the endorsement of over sixty Federal lawmakers and you have zero.  Shouldn’t we see more faith in you from your peers?

RS: I am not establishment and have gotten the endorsement of The Family Leader…

WTF: ..excuse us, but if you are going to lead these lawmakers, shouldn’t at least one endorse you?  I mean Rick Perry has thirteen and even Ron Paul has three.

RS: I don’t want endorsements, except of the people.  These people got these endorsements because they spend an inordinate amount of time seeking them and I don’t feel that’s a good use of my time.  The Family Leader endorsement from Bob Vander Plaats was very important to prove I am the “family” candidate.

WTF: Besides your “family,” what is the biggest group of people you’ve ever directly managed?

RS: Well the question is irrelevant.  The President doesn’t manage people.  I’ll have a great Chief of Staff and an excellent cabinet of experienced leaders.  I will develop and set out the plan to follow.  My legislative experience will be key in passing programs and laws that will cut taxes, reduce government and strengthen our national security.

WTF: You believe executive experience is irrelevant?  If we had a major national crisis, how do we know that you would understand how to direct, mobilize and lead the executive branch, much less the country.

RS: I am no stranger to problems and trials.  My family has had many a crisis that my wife and I have managed with God’s help. The size may be different but it helped me in communicating with my constituents in Pennsylvania.  Executive experience isn’t a great predictor of leadership.  Jimmy Carter was a disaster despite his previous experience as Governor of Georgia and President Bush who was spectacular during 9/11, totally mishandled Hurricane Katrina.

WTF: Without mentioning the word “faith” or “family,” can you tell us why you’re vocal anti-gay marriage stance won’t hurt you worse in campaigning and in the press?  Perry, Paul, Romney and Gingrich all have same views but it seems the mainstream media totally define you and Congresswoman Bachmann by your “extreme, far right” social positions.

RickSantorumOnOneHand RS:  I’ve been a United States Congressman or Senator for 17 years from a traditionally Democrat-leaning state.  I’ve sponsored legislation with liberals like John Kerry of Massachusetts.  I hardly think my positions are outside of the mainstream of America, I’m just not ashamed of my faith and family values…(sheepish grin) Whoops.  The dual “F” words.

WTF: You see why some are worried about you right?  It’s so easy for the “other” side to sell you as someone who wants to pass laws that will implement a Catholic “Sharia” instead of holding the views like Regan did, but making the focus more mainstream issues like the economy or a 9-9-9 plan.

RS: I’m not a good “politician” like a Romney that can play the game.  I am who I am and so many have tried to shut down these issues they risk becoming “unmentionable” precisely because they are politicized.  Reagan didn’t cover up his disdain for abortion.  And I’ve gambled that most Americans would feel more comfortable with someone they can trust isn’t going to fool around his wife or outlaw the word “Christmas” on December 25th.

WTF: Would you consider becoming a pastor if you didn’t win the Presidency?

RS: I’m Catholic.  And I’m not about to take a celibacy oath.  Despite what the media may say, I like sex.  Just within the bonds of marriage.

WTF: …(squirming) Thank you Senator.  This is getting a little uncomfortable.

RS: You see, I’m just a normal guy.  I had a beer on the campaign trail Saturday.  Didn’t talk about sex once.

WTF: Would you mind sending in the next candidate on your way out?


The Michele Bachmann Interview

NEXT: Ron Paul

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