We The Folks (WTF) have decided to conduct a job interview for the position of the Presidency of the United States of America. The job qualifications have been covered here, And here are links to our initial 3 part series on ELECTABILITY, POLICY and GOVERNING. Other interviews:
This interview's candidate: Ron Paul (RP).
WTF: Tell us a little about yourself.
RP: I am a practicing physician and the current United States Congressional representative for Texas’ 14th Congressional District and have served 21 years in office among three different occasions. I’ve served on the House Committees on Foreign Affairs and Financial Services, and on the Joint Economic Committee. I am the chairman of the Financial Services Subcommittee on Domestic Monetary Policy and Technology.
WTF: We’ll be honest here, Congressman. The fact you would legalize all drugs including Meth and Cocaine, wipe out our military force and presence worldwide and allow legalized abortion up until birth by any state makes us wonder why you aren’t running back under the Libertarian Party label as you did in 1988 instead of the Republican party which would consider these radical leftist views.
RP: I am the best defender of the Constitution. The Federal Government doesn’t have any business being in our lives on any level. I’ve served as the Republican representative of my district since 1997 and see no conflict.
WTF: But if states allow you to marry a monkey, or allow LSD to be legal for children and you wouldn’t interfere?
RP: The Constitution is very clear that it is up to the states to handle these matters. The Federal regulation is too damn high!
WTF: That may not be all. So, why do you want to be President?
WTF: …excuse me, Congressman?
WTF: This is a job interview, there is no need to get all worked up.
RP: (animated) Well this is serious stuff! Obama now thinks he has the right to kill American citizens without any Constitutional protections and the spending is just crazy. I think every American should be upset.
WTF: (long pause) You do realize you are asking the people to give you the power over launching nuclear bombs and they are looking for someone that gives them the impression they will make the right decisions based on principle and not emotions, right?
RP: We don’t need no stinkin’ bombs! I’m going to do away with them! We don’t need to be spending all this money when we already have enough to bomb the world 20 times over. Why are we involved with all these foreign governments, can’t we just leave people alone? I mean’ c’mon!!
WTF: (to assistant standing nearby) Could we get security in here please?
RP: You see!?? Everyone’s all worried about security and, over what? An old country doctor like me? What they should be worried about is how our government is using the US credit card to prop up foreign countries and preparing for a one world government!
WTF: Congressman, you realize that there are people who want to kill us, right? And not even Hillary or Barack want to immediately bring all of our troops home from around the world, let alone cut our military to a level we couldn’t defend an invasion by the Maple Leafs.
RP: It’s Bilderberg Society that is trying to get us to spend money on the Industrial Military Complex! It’s why we are in so much debt! I don’t even take pay raises and we’re out spending money for military bases in Asia! We need an army to defend our own continent but Germany? Turkey? and Afghanistan? We have no business over there trying to interfere with their countries. No wonder they want to kill us! We’d feel the same if they tried to invade us and tell us how to run our country.
WTF: You don’t think that if we pulled out of South Korea, North Korea wouldn’t immediately invade? Japan, Singapore and Taiwan would be at risk from being overrun by communist forces letting them rearm to come after us. That’s not a problem?
RP: It’s not our problem. We have enough problems here at home.
WTF: How did you get 1 in 5 in Iowa to support you?
RP: I think it’s the promise of free weed.
WTF: Finally, something we can agree on. You’re not high right now are you?
WTF: Right. (to OMG*) Please tell George Soros they can have their candidate back.
RP: This interview is over!
WTF: It certainly is.
*assistant Overmuch Maximus Gluteus
**Special thanks to Beth Pepoy Densmore for creative ideas.
Next Fake WTF Interview: Mitt Romney
Check out our other interviews: