We The Folks (WTF) have decided to conduct a job interview for the position of the Presidency of the United States of America. The job qualifications have been covered here, And here are links to our initial 3 part series on ELECTABILITY, POLICY and GOVERNING. Other interviews at bottom.
This interview's candidate: Michele Bachmann (MB).
WTF: Tell us a little about yourself.
MB: I am the current United States Congressional representative for the 6th District in Minnesota and the founder of the Tea Party Caucus. I was a Minnesota State Senator from 2000 to 2007. I also have a law degree from William & Mary and started a Christian counseling service with my husband and a charter school with other parents in Stillwater.
WTF: Why do you want to be President?
MB: This country is on a terrible course to economic disaster on Barack Obama. As a mother of five and a foster mother of 23, I am concerned for their future and want to restore our economy and repeal ObamaCare. I am the ONLY conservative candidate in the race and the only one who was with the Tea Party when they started.
WTF: You don’t even consider Santorum a conservative?
MB: No, he’s a big government liberal.
WTF: How do you figure that?
MB: He endorsed Arlen Specter who ended up becoming a liberal Democrat.
WTF: I must say Mrs. Bachmann, Congresswoman, that is a bit of reach for someone who didn’t support TARP, didn’t go for the individual mandate when even the Heritage Foundation supported it to stop HillaryCare.
MB: He also comes from Pennsylvania which is a liberal state.
WTF: Isn’t Minnesota a liberal state?
MB: No because we elected a Republican Governor. And he tried to attack me and had to drop out when I annihilated him AND little Ricky in the Iowa straw poll last summer. This proves again that I am the only conservative candidate.
WTF: (sigh). What experience do you have in turning around government economies?
MB: I was an IRS attorney from 1988 to 1993, and understand tax law...
WTF: Pardon me?
MB: I have studied how taxes impact our economy and how onerous….
WTF: WHOA! Hold on a minute. The question is what government entities have you turned around? like Ronald Reagan did in 1980 or like Governor Bob McDonnell did in Virginia…
WTF: Championed? Did it become law?
MB: No but I led thousands to Washington DC to protest ObamaCare…
WTF: Pardon me for interrupting. So you’ve never actually been directly responsible for turning around an economy?
MB: My husband and I have owned and run a small business with weekly payroll responsibilities…
WTF: The US economy is about $14 Trillion a year, and the government spends about $3 Trillion a year. How big was your business?
MB: President Obama has spent nearly $1 Trillion per year more than Bush..
WTF: Congresswoman? The gross sales of your business?
MB: We brought in $100,000 a year or so.
WTF: In the Federal Government there are over 3 million employees. How many employees have you managed?
MB: Our business isn’t a good example…
WTF: Whatever, the most you’ve managed in your business, congressional staff, whatever.
MB: Including contract workers for my campaign?
MB: At least 200 or more.
MB: And the Iowa Chair who left for Ron Paul was NOT an employee. He was a political appointment…
WTF: How about managing other senior executives who will run the White House, the Department of Defense, the Treasury? Have you ever hired or managed a highly qualified executive?
MB: (smiling and joking) Well, Marcus says I manage him quite well and he never quit. Ha ha ha.
WTF: (blank stare)
WTF: Now there’s an idea. Do you think you can get her?
MB: I don’t understand…
WTF: It was a bad joke. Never mind.
MB: Well I disagree with your premise. Lincoln had no executive experience except running a general store. JFK didn’t even run a small business.
WTF: John Kennedy had 14 years as a US Congressman and Senator though, do you think that matters? And how many years have you had as a US Congresswoman?
MB: Four years, but I don’t think it matters. People need a strong leader and from the time I mobilized parents in Stillwater to form a Charter School to being a key part of the Tea Party movement, I have been at the front of a number of issues.
WTF: Can you give me a single example of a single legislative accomplishment like an economic plan on the scale of Paul Ryan’s entitlement reform that has become law? Or at least made it to a floor-wide vote? Shoot, give me a major bill that you personally wrote and sponsored.
MB: Lincoln had only served a single 2 year term as a Congressman and was soundly defeated over and over again before running for President. Except for getting shot I thought he did pretty well, ending slavery and maintaining performing excellently as Commander in Chief.
WTF: He also served in the militia and mobilized the nation in the historical Lincoln-Douglass debates while owning a major German newspaper and a successful law firm that represented a major railroad.
MB: Barack Obama served less time in the Senate and hadn’t even run a small business and yet he became President.
WTF: I see. I think get the picture. Thank you for coming in Congresswoman.
MB: But don’t you want to know more about what I will do once elected?
WTF: I’m sure you have wonderful plans, Congresswoman. Unfortunately, we are looking for someone with EXPERIENCE to run the largest economic and greatest country in the world. Perhaps if you could get that Tea Party you claim to lead to give you more than 10% of the vote…
MB: I’m the only TRUE conservative in the race.
WTF: Of course you are. Please leave your resume with our assistant Overmuch Maximus Gluteus. And thank you for coming in.
The (fake) Rick Santorum WTF Interview
NEXT: The (short) Ron Paul WTF Interview